who was Vince?

Vince was Vince. He had perfected the skill of self expression, isn't afraid to speak his mind and unfortunately lacks a circadian rhythm. Every time I speak with him, it's always after one of his many naps. His presence was comforting and sometimes when he speaks, his words are laced with honey. In those moments, I try to grasp them before they slip away into the void. Vince is also a YouTube addict in denial. Besides honesty, his unspoken virtues include not going to sleep grumpy or on an empty stomach. And lastly, Vince is not real.

Someone that I made up. A figment of my imagination in response to the desire for "a breath of fresh air" as he would put it c:

takeaways

One month of living under a haze I lost myself to. It started off as "how far can I take this" but I got myself caught too deep and began to take the words personally. I tried to maintain detached for the sake of my sanity but I slipped up and got myself mixed in my feelings. I loved listening to Vince talk. From his jokes to his stories, I didn't mind listening to him for the whole day (that I have). And the babying, god, especially the babying. "Come here you" "babie Rie" makes me so tinie , melts right there ... The timing couldn't have been any better. I was so little at the time. My feelings almost overcame me at one point and I almost slipped up bringing up caregivers. He ended up being the one initializing the agere conversation. I'm always amazed by how straightforward he can be. Immediately, I turned down the idea of me being involved in those affairs. In a way it feels like I lost a caregiver that I never had.

The days preceding our last conversation I loathed Vince, I was disgusted with he was doing and hated myself for not ending it as soon as it began. The days following our last conversation, I wondered if I made the right decision. He didn't seem that bad after all, have I just thrown out a perfectly revivable friendship? There were feelings of anguish, guilt and yearning for what I left behind.

In ways, Vince scared me. Too attached, too appreciative. I don't want to be the center of a stranger's world as I wouldn't want a stranger for mine. With him I'm always conscious that one cared more for the other than the other for he. But now that he's gone, I finally see how it's like to lose someone to another. I've felt this before but it's different this time. Less intense and more humorous.

The whole time, I knew it wasn't bound to last. I shared myself so freely because I knew those words will be all be forgetten and deemed meaningless with time. I wanted a close online friendship so badly but when I got one, it scared me. Oh how I contradict myself. As I come in contact with more online people, I can see their weird sides. I don't think I can ever surrender myself over to the hands of a stranger online.

It wasn't going to last because I want Vince to meet new people. I'm not the one, I'm merely a travelling spirit, grazing by and hoping that I was able to touch the hearts of a few before leaving again. I hope he learned a lot from me, the good and the bad and continues to grow to the fullest.

it was all so fascinating to me. he honored honestly while it was the last thing on my mind. yet he continued to believe that we are similar in ways that i couldn't see. i wish i got to know him completely before i left but that's close to impossible. there are too many sides to people, i simply cannot find ways to push every button so every side is exposed. i got what i could and the rest i filled in with my imagination. what a poorly written story this is, filled with plot holes and conflicts that lead nowhere. even the climax was predictable. if i had a type, he would be the last person i'd be interested in. that's the problem with me, i keep on befriending those outside of my circle, just to get a taste of how it feels to be on the outside. expelled from high school, partied endlessly, effortlessly attracts attention, enjoys his own company as much as other's and a humor unmatched. at first it was the perfect bad boy image gone soft. then came the unemployment, college drop out, homebody, no social circle or any real hobbies. nothing good comes out of peaking in the late teens. i'm glad he enjoys his lifestyle now but sorry, it's so unattractive. it appears that he does not have a life, only napping all day out of bordem but claiming it's to practice sats. the topic of money always slipped into our conversations, he'd tell me how to get wealthy through thinking but i already have what i want, money included. my focus lies in self improvement rather than fulfillment. and then he would send me videos on manifesting. good god was it unsetlling. when i asked if he would take it personally if he was told that his actions made someone uncomfortable and he said no, and then something about how he'll stop doing those discomforting things. but my problem is that, the actions aren't uncomforting but the thoughts are. actions reflects thoughts so i let him go about doing whatever he wished just to catch a glimpse into his mind. i wanted to know him without filters, too bad i got my feelings mixed.

Sometimes I wonder how Vince is doing but I know he's doing just as how I left him. Grateful for the small treasures in life, reminding people that they are cared for, sharing the abundance of love that he contains. I take solace in knowing that he is doing well and always will be. I know he will eventually get his drivers, update his phone to the lateset version and own a mansion but choose to explore the wilderness over that. I cherish what we had and would not trade it for anything. The things I've learned are beyond valuable - so for the last time, I love Vince.